physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You can't motorboat a personality
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
