and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
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Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
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Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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