is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
