the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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