Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
