I smell stomach acid.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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