Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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