Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
