Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
