Will you blow on my dice?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
