Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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