You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
