Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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