last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
