She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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