Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
