if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
