After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
