why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
