I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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