There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
