i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
