If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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