I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
