She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
