can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
