is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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