I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
