Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
