gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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