So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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