Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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