she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
