Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
