You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
