This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just threw up on my dentist
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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