Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
