I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
