I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
