Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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