Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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