I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just gift wrapped bread.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is Oprah even human
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
