I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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