CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
