He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
