Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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