i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
