I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
