I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
