I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
