She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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