Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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