I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
