I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
