your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
