Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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