i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize