just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
