I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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