i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
