i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
