i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
