So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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