I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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