they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
