Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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