need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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