I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
